I feel completely lost everything has fallen apart. My fiancé believes God is now telling her that we can’t be together. Now I don’t know what to believe in. I can still hear God why didn’t He tell me. I wonder did I just not want to receive it. Was she just scared? Should she be scared if she loves me and wants to marry me?
Before I fell in love with her I used to thank God everyday for healing me from this, and I don’t want to do that again and have Him do this again, because I wasn’t "healed" I was worse I went to messing around when I was 11 to falling in love.

I feel like I must be deceived because she said that she loves me and if God didn’t tell her no she would have married me so I feel like I'm the lost one because I believe in us and our love, and I believe in God. But nothing goes hand and hand any more not even us.

either way everything is really painful whether it's her fear and decision or Gods will over our lives. I never thought that God would make everything hunky-dory or all giggles but I especially never thought he would be the source of my pain.

My chest throbs with pain everyday and the only thing that holds me together is not breathing, not thinking, not feeling, and not talking to God. I know it sounds horrible but I need to get through class. what else am I going to do? I'm just glad I don’t have work too.

I'm just glad I never told my parents about our STINKIN wedding!!!!!!!!! It wouldn’t have been worth it like nothing in my life right now. Not faith nor love nor life. I always said that dieing would be better than this, but I don’t believe in suicide so I will endure my worst nightmare.

God knew the pain it would bring He seems like such a tyrant now to me, and I wish it weren’t that way I make up excuses for it all but nothing holds, and everything hurts.

Katt,

Really sorry you are hurting. It's ok to feel. It's ok to be angry with God. I'd like to encourage you to pray, even if you can only muster a sentence or a "help" at first. Pour out your heart to Him. He is with you and loves you and wants what is best for you, even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

I'm praying for you, Katt. That God would comfort you, give you rest in the midst of your pain. Protect you from the enemy and all who misunderstand you. Keep posting here. I pray that God will give you supportive folks there where you are, too. It WILL get better, Katt. It WILL get better.

Katt
I am praying for you too. Now is the time to lean fully on God. Know He has the perfect plan. Trust Him through the hurt. Tell Him how you feel. It is ok. Ask Him for strength to pull you through this. We are here for you!!

Praying for you too. Just my thoughts as I read your post, maybe it's your enemy in sheeps clothing that is trying to break you up before you two even get together? Maybe it's just cold feet so to speak, the uncertainty your girlfriend is feeling? I pray that God will give you clarity.

Hey, Girl! Sorry to hear about your pain right now. Take some time to heal and know that we here for you anytime you need us.

Katt, honey, I'm so sorry! God really is there for you when you are ready to reach out. God understands your pain, and weeps with you. I will keep you in my prayers.
Ingrid

Katt, my poor, poor sister. God is not condemning your relationship but there is so many fears, struggles and issues to work through it's a wonder so many of us have made it safely to the other side! First you have the issue of being at peace being gay when everyone tells you your going to hell. Then you have family pressures because they want you to be a certain way. Get married, have 2.2 kids etc.. Then you have just the flat out pressure of committing to a life long relationship. Heck even 'straight' folks get cold feet at that one! I remember when my other half told me that we had to be committed to a lifelong relationship or she wasn't interested. I don't know what scared me more - the commitment or finally admitting to myself and others that I was gay. So its not you Katt, I'm sure your gf is going through all of these struggles and more. Pray about it and turn it over to God. I know that sounds trite at times but it's really the only thing you can do right now. That and lean on friends and talk it through with them right now. Do you have any close friends that are close to both of you that might act as a safe go between to help you guys communicate? Just an idea. My heart and prayers are with you girl.

It's so hard for me to trust God but I guess if He does want us together He'll tell her and if not I guess it's my beef with Him.

She told me she had cold feet a few months ago so I talked to some people and asked if that was normal and they said yes and so I told her,and she agreed and now she says she believes her fear was from God and that she was just listening to me before and that is why she thought it was normal. Which I think is unfair. I wont say anything anymore if it's wrong I will not be the one to change her mind.

I can’t help but have this undying faith in our love, this hope. It’s so sad. It makes me think of the scripture about faith hope and love and the scripture that love hopes all. I wonder why though, why do I torture myself with this hope. I wish it would die sometimes. I wish that my heart and hope would leave me be so I can be numb.

Lizzy seems pretty sure on this. Whether it's God or her, I have a feeling she's made her decision. So the hope is more torturous.

She says she doesn’t cry because she doesn’t want to give God the satisfaction. I hate that it seems like God has become our hearts enemy because of this pain he seems to impose on us. I still sometimes don’t believe that He would ask us not to love but then all I have is her to blame and that hurts too. Or I guess it's more like the Devil and his confusion. It seems to me that if we weren’t gay or let go as a result of not worshiping God, we might be now neither of us want to talk to Him, because all well do is yell and curse at Him.

I hate this position I don’t wish to be angry with either of them, but sometimes it seems involuntary.

As far as other friends they all live in other states. Were close to a teacher but she's not a Christian and we know she wont understand all perspectives on this.

Because she is the only one that heard this sure voice of God I feel a lone. Why? It’s either my fault that I don’t hear or His, but I feel helpless.

How can God weep with me, I don’t believe that He's sad. Shouldn’t this make Him happy? He's the one who is supposed to be willing it so right? He is the one breaking our hearts.

Even with this heart ache I would do it all over again, with her. She was worth every minute, and the only regret I have is any pain that it might have caused her if it is not right, even though I don’t believe that.

I will do this friend thing as long as it makes her happy and will in the end draw her nearer to Him. But I don’t know what will happen with God and me, or what I believe for myself.

Things just got more lonely and confusing, but it means a lot to be able to talk to you all. You can understand both sides.

What a terrible situation for you. I can't even begin to know what to say to you. I know that feeling of hopelessness- I lived with it for so many years...and I know the dread of going "back" into denial...for the strangest reason, I was thinking about it this weekend after watching a show on the Bible.
So, where is God in this? I think we are the ones who have decided that God wants us to be "happy" all the time...I don't think He ever promised that....what He has promised is to be with us no matter how bad the situation seems. As far as your g/f goes....I don't think it is healthy for either of you to be in a relationship where someone has such serious doubts....it will erode your relationship into destruction. Give her the time and space to feel freedom in God, Himself. The way she sees it (The way MOST of us have seen this struggle at one time or another.....) is that she would be giving into a temporal pleasure that will destroy her soul eternally. It is not YOU, it is her fear that she will be seperated from the Lord. For yourself, I would, if you can right now, start reading the Psalms. David went through much of what you are feeling right now, and was eloquent in sharing how he felt.
I have said so much, but there is so little I can really say to be of comfort. But, no matter how far away God seems, He is still your Father and longs to hold you and hug you in this awful time.

Amen, Blyth. We are holding you up in prayer, Katt. May the God of all hope comfort you. Yes, the Psalms are WONDERFUL!

In His Love, Katie

Katt, I really do believe that God weeps with us when we do our best and things don't work out. As to your girlfriend, it is possible that she really heard God say this was not right for HER. This does NOT mean that being gay is not right for YOU. Or it is posslble that she was hearing her own fears and thinking it was God speaking. Either way, you did your best and God loves you. Only you can know what is best for you regarding the future of this relationship. However, my suggestion would be that you end it, and move on to a period of mourning the loss, and feeling the feelings that come with loss, even though they are feelings you would rather avoid. God will be with you in this, as will all of us here.
Ingrid

Katt, I'm truly sorry for all the hurt and anger you're going through now. It cant be an easy time for you or Lizzy, and I'll pray for both of you. I know there's not much that I can say that will take the pain away, but I found this verse yesterday which really had an impact on me...maybe you can find some peace in it....

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Sorry...wasnt supposed to post that so soon! It's from Joshua 1:9

Take care Katt
Carms

I don't have anything to add to what others have written but just want to say that you are in my prayers. I just pray that God would give you strength one moment at a time to go through this.
Bluewings

My Messiah.

My Lord Jesus Christ.

Help me, Lord, to accept where I am now.

Help me to know I'm not stuck forever in my circumstances.

Help me remember that the windows do open

and that fresh breezes do blow in

and that living water forever flows

and that those who ask receive.

I'm asking, now, Lord.

I'm holding my cup in my hands,

And I'm asking you to fill it . . . with you.

. . . .

And when my cup springs a leak,

As earthen vessels are prone to do.

Then I'll just have to ask again,

Trusting in your love

To fill me again . . .

Amen

Author Unknown

I love that!

((((((((((Katt))))))))
This is for you......


Fill my cup, Lord.

I hold it up to you with outstretched hands,

My heart parched and thirsty for your living water.

Fill my cup with your love, Lord.

Help me to feel your hands holding mine,

feel your arms around me, feel your love empowering me.

Fill me with quietness and encouragement and trust.

Help me to live for you when trials, difficulties,

and storms hit me and those I love so deeply.

Help me not to give up when giving up seems easier.

Help me to trust you when I don't feel like trusting anymore.

When I know pain, fill my cup with prayer.

Teach me the secrets of service and surrender.



Fill my cup, Lord. I lift it up to you.

Lift me up to do your will with love and sacrifice,

Never forgetting what you sacrificed for me-

Your Son.

My Messiah.

My Lord Jesus Christ.

Author Unknown

I needed this today . . .

quote:

Originally posted by Katie42:
My Messiah.

My Lord Jesus Christ.

Help me, Lord, to accept where I am now.

Help me to know I'm not stuck forever in my circumstances.

Help me remember that the windows do open

and that fresh breezes do blow in

and that living water forever flows

and that those who ask receive.

I'm asking, now, Lord.

I'm holding my cup in my hands,

And I'm asking you to fill it . . . with you.

. . . .

And when my cup springs a leak,

As earthen vessels are prone to do.

Then I'll just have to ask again,

Trusting in your love

To fill me again . . .

Amen

Author Unknown

((((((((((ARK)))))))))

Praying for you today.


In His love, Katie

((((((((ARK)))))))) ((((((((KATT))))))))


Dear Ark and Katt:
I hope this word from the Lord spoken in due season into your circumstances. I pray that encourages you today. God bless you.

From Small Straws in a Soft wind for today:

February 16, 2006: "I am your hope and your salvation, your very present help in times of trouble. Do not stand in dread of those things that seem to be out of your control or tremble in fear of what might happen. Rather, cast your cares upon Me, and recognize that human effort falls way short of My power. Trust in Me to accomplish what you cannot. I will make a way where there seems to be no way. Have faith in Me, and believe that My ways are higher than your ways and that nothing is impossible with Me."

Psalm 46:1-3 "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though its waters roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah"