I really am not sure this is in the right place, but it sort of relates to coming out in a way, so I'm putting it here.

Here's my question. What is the best way to deal with people's comments or actions stemming from homophobia? I'm not talking about truly hateful things here. I'm talking about otherwise good, well-intentioned people who would never mean to hurt anyone -- they may even have gay friends -- but they say things like "that's so gay" or make fun of a man for being effeminate, and they don't seem to realize that these things could be offensive.

This hasn't ever happened to me with anyone who knows about me, but it happens all the time with acquaintances at work or church or in my neighborhood. I know some people would say that the best thing to do is to just be out and open with everyone, but that's so risky for some of us (like those of us who are teachers at public schools in the South!!!) Is there a way to respond to it? Or is there a way to defend myself so I can be around these people without letting these things eat at my soul? Or do I just take it?

Most of the time, I do just take it, and then every once in a while it just sort of pushes me over the edge and I get very upset. There has to be a better way to deal with these things. I'm open to suggestions!

--Esther

Esther, Is there a way for you to say how you feel about it being offensive, without actully coming out yourself? Like, if they were being offensive about another group of people, what would you say then?

For example, I work with people who have Downs Syndrom...and it's really offensive to me when someone says something like "don't be so retarded". It is SO not funny...and I let people know that I don't think it's funny.

Do you think it's possible to let them know that you don't think it's funny, and not come out yourself? I don't think that people would assume that just because you are offended by the comments that you are gay yourself.

I will be praying about this for you.

God Bless,

shy

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