I have never done anything like this before,I'm not what you would call an overly open person except to certain people. But I'v read through some of the streams and found that there is a wonderful group of supportive lady's (and gent's) that have big heart's for others, so i'm going to take a shot in the dark and open up because I need some advice and have no one to turn to. I recantly came out to my best friend (you would have thought it was the crime of the century)I told her through an IM one night and she signed off right away and I didnt hear from her for 2 days when I did see her she whent off on how we were raised in christian family's (her dad is the paster of the church i was raised in) and I knew it was a sin it was just another form of me rebelling(I was a very rebelliouse teenager). I was hurt beyonde words I never expected her to react the way she did she told me she couldnt except my choice of life style if I intended to persue "IT" and that the Bible say's she cant be my friend if I'm Gay. Maybe I'm dumb but I don't remember ever seeing that in the Bible. our relationship has become very strained and she keeps insisting that I go to counsiling, she has told her parents who havnt said anything about it to me as of yet but I'm shure they will soon.My bf some how got my girlfriends number and has sent her a lot of really mean tex messages that are really out of charecter for my bf, but my girlfriend and I have since broke up (there were a few other prob's but this was a big part of it). I can't get my bf to realize that I'm the same person I always have been,she just knows now why I never wanted to date the guys she tryed to hook me up with. I have no desire to change who I am, I refuse to live a lie to make everyone happy but me. Its just hard that I may be losing the best friend I ever had. At first I drew away from God, but recantly I have thrown myself into church and school (mostly to help with the lonelyness,(my girl friend refuses to try and work things out) I'm just confussed and could use some words of encouragment.
thanks to anyone who reads this just writing it has helped some I don't feel so alone knowing I'vvshared even if it is with strangers.
Becca

Hello Becca:
It was a good thing to come here to share because you will find understanding people who are caring and who have walked a journey of their own that has brought them to a place of understanding. Remember when you are being condemned and feeling confused that "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." I am pretty new here and in a state of change myself and finding people who understand has been a real blessing. The advice I see dotted throughout the board is to read the posts and become familiar with scripture which is used as a weapon against you rather than as instruction to you. You will find a lot of help reading many of the threads and people who have found acceptance in a variety of churches. Remember, Becca, confusion is not from God. I have not seen any scripture that says a person can't be your friend if you are gay and I'd be hard pressed to see any reference to Jesus treating anyone that way. You will find encouragement here, keep reading the posts.

Becca,

You aren't alone at all!! Praying for the Lord to open your eyes and Heart and give you direction!!! If you want to lose the confusion, draw as close to the Lord as you can and dig in His Word!!!

There are so many voices out in the world saying anything you want to hear. Look for support with friends who are interested in building you up in the Lord, because without that Foundation, we blow in the wind with every idea or feeling! I would try to stay in Fellowship with other Bible based Christians.

Keep reading on this site all the threads that speak about relationship. If you click on gaychurch.org at the top left of the page it will take you to a section that talks about being gay and Christian. There is also a section that has gay welcoming churches, but the most inportant thing is to find a Church that is Founded on God's Word and not just what we want to hear.

Praying also for you and your son that you are able to help him find Faith in the Lord!

There are many Wonderful Sisters on this site who will be helpful in your journey!!!

Welcome!!!

HIS GRACE AND PEACE,
ROSE

Becca,
Katie42 and Rose have given you wonderful advice. I reiterate going to the home page of gaychurch.org and reading about the clobber passages etc.

I would point blankly ask your friend to show you the passage that says she cannot be your friend if you are gay. Somehow, I don't think she will find it. Look at Christ's example. What did He teach? Love! Love! Love! Never once did he say hate someone who is doing wrong.

Have you actually said to your friend "I have been gay all along, how does YOU knowing it make it different?" I guess she would prefer you lie?

Hang in there. Read through this board and keep us posted.

By the way, WELCOME.

Becca, Honey,
Welcome to the boards. You are obviously going through a lot of changes right now, and I'm not surprized that you are confused. Coming out is very hard. I'm really sorry about your best friend, and I know you don't want to lose her friendship, but it is she who has to change, not you. Perhaps with time she will see that you are still the same person you always were, but if she doesn't, you have to move on without her. God will send you new friends who appreciate you as you are - you can start on these boards. I don't know where you live, but there are gay-friendly churches lots of places. It will be a blessing if you can find one, with a pastor you can talk with. We will all be praying for you.
Ingrid

Becca I'm so sorry to hear things are rough right now for you. Hang in there, we've all pretty much been through some sort of the same thing in years gone by. What got me through was sticking close to God (learn what the Bible REALLY says!! - go to gaychurch.org and the section titled "Gay and Christian?") and find a good supportive church near where you live.

You can't change your friend - only the Holy Spirit can do that. That a good dose of Bible sense if she's paying attention at all! - Ditto what Groucho said! On a side note.. it makes me so TORQUED(!) to hear people misusing Scripture to bash others! Grgh!!!!!!!

Back to you... find friends that support you. By that I mean support you for who you are gay AND Christian. If you get friends that are just gay (or are straight but support you being gay) but mock your faith you will begin to doubt. If you get Christian friends that mock you for being gay then that's a problem as well. You need to find friends that support you for the totality of who you are. Not who they want you to be. You will find many such friends and supportive voices on this board.

(((Becca))))) Your post really hit a nerve for me, Kiddo! I'm actually straight, but came to this site years ago searching for answers because of my many friends who ARE gay....If your friend runs away from this now, she'll regret it for the rest of her life! You don't say how old your friend is, but I can tell you that regardless of one's age/maturity level, there is almost a "grief process" a person goes through upon learning that a close friend or family member is gay. That may sound strange, but it's true. And there's a lot of fear, not that she's afraid OF you but that she's afraid FOR you. The only way she'll be able to combat that is to research the scriptures. I highly recommend Elaine's site for that (See the post above this one for links.) Let's face it; if we only associate with people who have no sin in our own estimation, we won't be associating with anybody, will we? I once had a friend who was really nervous about confessing something to me. What I said to him was, "NOTHING you could ever do or not do would change my love for you. And NOTHING will change God's love for you, either." Tell your friend that running from this is NOT going to give her peace of mind--and it certainly won't help you! I'll be happy to talk to her if that will help. Just let me know & I'll get you an e-mail address if she's interested. My heart breaks for both of you!

I want to thank everyone for the support reading your reply's has helped me know more then befor I'm not alone and right now thats the most important thing for me.I hold you all in my prayers as I know I am in yours. My best friend and I met at our church this morning to talk and it didnt go real well. We mostly argued she told me that being gay was a choice and that if I wanted to I could change. I had to laugh at her, and told her that it dosnt work that way. I told her again that I'm the same person as I always have been and she answered that I have lied to her all this time, I told her that I had been lieing to myself as well by not being honest with myself.She said she wants a few days to pray about how to handle this. I replyed that there was nothing to handle I'm not ashamed I'v come to except who I am and I'm happy.She just turned and walked away. I know now all I can do is pray for her and wait to see what she decides the ball's in her court now. I will keep you informed on how things go I ask that you all keep my friend in your prayers as well that she is able to open her eyes and her heart.
Becca

Becca!

You are more brave than I am. I still haven't told most of my friends because I know they would react similarly. Know that you are loved by all of us and we understand your pain all too well!

Keeping you in prayer...
Carol

Becca,

You are definitely NOT alone! I didn't begin to be honest with myself about my sexuality until a few years ago. I kept saying to myself a lot of the things your friend has said to you. By the grace of God, I believe, I finally started to open up, talk to God about it, and explore what/who I really am. Slowly, more and more resources and people came into my life to support me in this process. I haven't figured everything out, I still struggle with my sexuality versus my faith, but life is so much better now that I'm "out" to myself, now that I'm honest with God and a few trusted friends.

For me, it's been hard to put a label on myself. Am I a lesbian? Am I bisexual? If I'm bisexual, then will I be rejected by everyone (gay and straight alike)? A very good buddy of mine recently asked me.."Why do you HAVE to put a label on yourself? You are who you are. You love as you love." Hmmm.

I recently came out to my best friend from childhood. It was very difficult, we both cried hard, and for a few months afterward, I regretted telling her. She's a very conservative, devout Christian. We haven't talked about it since, but I have visited her in the past month, and it was just like old times. My point: sometimes people just need time to let it sink in, to get used to the idea. I'm sure she keeps praying for God to make me totally straight, and that's ok. But, I'm also coming to be sure that she also still loves me and considers me a friend and a sister.

Keep posting here and leaning on us as part of your support system, Becca.

Searcher

Fair play to you Becca!
Sounds like you said the right thing to your friend, even though she might not want to hear it. Hats off to you for being strong and saying you don't want to change and are proud of who you are. It took me a while to get to that stage and even longer to tell my best friend!
I do think Dewdoc is right regarding a grieving process. I think my parents went (and maybe still are going) through something similar when I came out to them. My mum cried every day for weeks... They told me they thought it was wrong (we agreed to disagree on that point), but our relationship has - thanks to God - remained intact. I think they, and probably your friend too, needed space to think about stuff and pray about it. Odd as it may seem, I guess it can be a shock when people think they know you, and then suddenly find out they don't. As I said to my parents, I'm still the same person, they just know more about me. YOU know who you are, and have been through the whole realising, coming to terms with it, being happy with it thing, but sometimes to spring it on someone who thought they had you sussed and expect them to be ok with it straight away doesn't work.
I'm not saying you did anything wrong - on the contrary, I think you were right, but sometimes people don't react the way we thought they would/want them to. The one person i thought would be supportive (also gay) was totally not when I first told her, whilel other people who i thought would freak out (my best friend) took it totally in her stride!
All you can do is pray for her - as you say, and ask God to keep close to her. Also, as the others say, I don't recall anywhere in the Bible where it says you can't be friends with anyone who's gay.... As far as I recall, Jesus talks about love and treating people right, not cutting people off cos you don't like what they do or who they are!
In terms of choice, being a left hander, make similarities with being gay. 10% (roughly) of the population are left handed, and 10% (roughly) are gay. As far as I know, no one makes a choice as to which hand to write with. 100 years ago being left handed was considered 'abnormal' and people had their left hands tied behind their backs and were made to write with their right hand. Now, no one gives two hoots what hand you write with. Both my parents are right handed, I'm left handed, and they've never blinked an eyelid about it. Maybe it's a bit of a simple arguement, but I was never 'taught' to be or 'chose' to be left handed, any more than I was taught to be or chose to be gay.
Sorry about the rambling, I hope it helps in some way! Hang on in there, we're all with you.

Hey everyone,
Sorry its been so long since I have been on the board I took some time away from everything to think and regroup. I wanted to give an update that everything is going great, my bestfriend has finally excepted the fact that I'm gay and is talking to me again. I think its definetly like wanderer said people go through a morning process when they first find out, cause my friend even told me at first she felt that she had somehow lost me. We talked one night about everything that was on our hearts and minds till the sun came up (literaly) and then things were the way they always had been befor we even whent to Texas for a vacation just for the heck of it.I have even been made a sunday school teacher for the Jr church which I find to be a fun and exciting adventure.I want to thank everyone for their support and inpute and just giving me a place to go to vent it was a great help. I will definatly stay in touch the fellowship is great, Thanks again Becca

Great to see you Becca!

You may not always get to be here as often as we like, but everytime you post, you make a difference for someone! Thanks for giving us the update and Enjoy the little ones you will be teaching...

Blessings
Carol

Becca, I'm so glad to hear things are going better. Best friends can be closer than family and to lose one - well I just don't like to think about it. It's like losing a piece of yourself. I'm so relieved to hear things are going better. Thank you for the update!