Adventures of the Goat Whisperers, Day #1:

I awaken on the morning of our first rodeo day with the soundtrack from “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly” playing in my head. Little do I know how prophetic this music will be—minus “the good” part, that is!
Do-di-do-di-do….Wah WAH wah……..
I call Kimmie to see if she has changed her mind about taking sneakers to wear for our goat dressing event. She hasn’t. When Rio had told us earlier that people often wore sneakers or even cleats for this event, to help with traction in the muck of the rodeo arena, I thought it seemed like a reasonable idea. Our Zimbo friend, however, had other ideas.
“Robert Redford did not wear sneakers in ‘The Horse Whisperer,’” she haughtily informed me in her Zimbo accent.
All righty then……

Do-di-do-di-do….Wah WAH wah…….

We arrive at the rodeo dressed in matching cowboy shirts, matching cowboy hats, my red boots & her brown boots, and we very proudly display our matching belt buckles with goats engraved on them.
Rio takes one look at our belt buckles and says mildly, “Girls, those are sheep.”
Oops. Well, in the world of the Goat Whisperers, these are exotic goats with ram horns…..

Steer wrestling and bronco riding occur just before our event. One of the steer wrestlers is carried off on a stretcher with a broken leg. A cowboy standing next to me, whose twin brother is next in line to wrestle a steer, mutters, “I hope Mom doesn’t get here right as he gets hurt.” I ask if there has ever been a fatality in the goat dressing competition. He chuckles, but reassures me that he can’t remember this ever happening. One of the bronco riders is carried off on a stretcher with a concussion.
Now this Goat Whisperer is experiencing a bit of an adrenaline rush. I remember the forms we filled out when we registered the night before. Not many of you may realize this, but on the back of the number that each rodeo contestant wears pinned to their back is a form listing all their medical history, drug allergies, etc. I have visions of my number being peeled off my back as my trampled body lies facedown in the muck, my medical history being reviewed as what is left of me is loaded onto the ambulance……

Finally, the moment arrives. It is time for the Goat Dressing.

Do-di-do-di-do……WahWAH wah………..

One of the rodeo organizers realizes quickly that we are clueless as to what is going on and pairs us with some experienced goat dressers for some quick last minute pointers. These guys are truly invaluable. They show us how to twist the crotch of the Fruit of the Looms so it is less likely to get hung up on the goat’s tail. They show us how to pull the crotch to the side with a thumb until the last minute. They are very supportive.

What they don’t show us how to do is actually get to the goat.

We line up at the chalk mark in our matching outfits with our sheep/goat belt buckles. We await the whistle.

Do-di-do-di-do…..WahWAHwah……..

The whistle blows! We’re off!

Kimmie takes 3 steps, then pitches face first into the muck. Her hat flies off. I see this over my shoulder and after considering for probably a tenth of a second whether I should run back to help her, I continue on to the goat.
I am in charge of the goat’s rear end. First things first……
As I stand holding the goat’s hind quarters in the air, her puzzled little face looking at me as she obviously wonders why this is taking so long, I feel true compassion for our goat. And I really do whisper to her!
I say, “Hold on, Honey. She’s getting here as fast as she can!”
Kimmie, in the meantime, has managed to become vertical once again. She reaches the goat and we manage to get the underwear on in a reasonable amount of time (in our world.) I pull those suckers up to that poor goat’s armpits! There is no way I want them coming off or we’ll have to start over!
Then we head back for the finish line.
As we’re approaching the finish line, people in the crowd realize that Kimmie is looking at her hat, lying in the muck where she last fell. They start screaming out, “No! No! Not the hat! Leave the hat!”
Kimmie doesn’t hear them. She tries to scoop up her hat as she runs by it.
She pitches face first into the muck yet a second time.

At this point, the various officials & timers of the event are basically incapacitated with laughter. This is all documented on the dvd that our friend Will managed to take despite the bouts of uncontrollable shaking and hysteria.

BUT…………..Do-di-do-di-do……WahWAHwah……

The Goat Whisperer arises from the muck and finishes the event! We do not place last! Some other cowboys are disqualified when the underwear falls off their goat and they don’t realize it. AHA!!!!!
Our time is around 30 seconds, as compared to the 10 seconds of our mentors who tried to help us. But we finish Round 1. And anything is possible on the second day!

Kimmie has an injured arm and her new rodeo shirt is stained with blood and dirt. Much to Becky 2’s disappointment, she does not require sutures, however. A bandaid takes care of things.
“You have straw between your front teeth,” Linda notes supportively.
We go outside the arena for a post-goat hotdog. As Kimmie rummages around for money for the vendor, clumps of dirt are dislodged from behind her belt buckle and fall out. The vendor looks shocked.
I say, “Let’s just say her event did not go well.”

That night, efforts are made to show this dvd on a big screen TV at the hotel but we meet with technical difficulties. No matter. The tiny image from the video camera makes the rounds from cowboy to cowboy to vendor to vendor….and by the following day, The Goat Whisperers have become a rodeo legend.

“Did you hear about that woman who flew all the way here from England just to dress a goat? And then fell down TWICE but got up and finished? Can you believe it?”


Adventures of the Goat Whisperers, Day #2:

On the morning of the second rodeo day, Kimmie decides Robert Redford will just have to get over himself. We take our sneakers with us. Kimmie leaves her hat at the hotel.
As soon as we enter the fairgrounds, the vendors start calling out from their booths.
“Do you have that video with you? I didn’t get to see it yet but the guys in the next booth say it’s hilarious!”

We make our way to the arena, where we try to sit inconspicuously in the stands. One of the assistant event organizers spies us and shouts out, “Goat Whisperers! You came back!” He is amazed at our tenacity.

We are determined to finish better than yesterday. (This is not an unrealistic goal. The bar is set pretty low at this point!)
We make our way to the chalk line to await the starting whistle. Of note, a brother-sister team with a 70 year old woman on it is in the other lane next to us. They outperformed us yesterday, of course, but today is a new day…..
One of the officials points out to me that my foot is on the chalk line. So is Kimmie’s. I move my foot back and am in the process of telling her to move her foot back, too, when apparently the start whistle sounds.
Because we are preoccupied with our feet, we don’t notice this for a full 11 seconds (per dvd timing when reviewed.) We stand there chatting for 11 full seconds while our 70 year old competitor leaves us in the dust.
Finally, it dawns on us that the crowd is screaming at us to run and the officials are waving their arms, motioning for us to go.
We go—finally.
Nobody falls and our goat is dressed. And Kimmie remains upright! Becky 2’s voice soars above the roar of the crowd on our return trip, screaming, “Don’t fall! Don’t fall! Don’t fall!”
What a mantra….
While we only tie our time of 30 seconds from the previous day, if you subtract those 11 seconds we spent on Planet Oblivious, we are down to 19 seconds! Whoo hoo!!! Almost competitive!

Now rumor has it that we actually won an award at the awards dinner that evening but for some reason, we assumed we wouldn’t have won anything and skipped the ceremony. What a bummer!
Rio won’t tell us what we won, but I have a few guesses…..”Most inept”…….or “Most entertaining” or……..”Most embarrassing” or “Most Disturbing Overall” would be some of my own ideas……

But hey—we persevered! Entire therapy session have been devoted to facing your fears, rising after a fall, etc. We were inspirational when you look at it that way!
And kudos to that 70 year old lady who left us in the dust!

Respectfully Submitted,
The Now “Official” Goat Whisperers

Thanks Doc. Hey Bluangel, do you know how to upload a DVD for us to see?

I wish.

*goes to google and see if it is possible*

Dear Dew Doc:

Even without footage, the visuals are just "crack me up" funny. Thank you, thank you for sharing the advuenture. I'm certified in first aid, unless of course this is my year to take a refresher so if you need splints or make shift slings for Kimmie please notify me and I will see what I can come up with. Oh, and my kids always bring their most stubborn laundry stains to me so if there's a problem there just "give a Shout!"

Again thank you for making me laugh!

In His love, Katie42

You're so welcome! We Goat Whisperers like to think we exist to make others laugh & to help them feel better about themselves--LOL!

Good for you, dear sisters!!!
DewDoc: What a wonderful reporter you are! I could see all you described, as in dvd-screen.

As I could see, also, nobody's nose was bitten, wasn't it? I was so worried about your noses. And tell me: Had hypnotic technics something to do with your foot-in-chalk-line? Because those technics should be applied to the goat, not to Kimmie or to yourself (it could be "autohypnosis" then).

And please, do the research to know what was the award you won.

If the next year you'll come back to this rodeo, I promise I'll have the "How to dress a goat in 10 steps", Volume 2, special edition. LOL.

So, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

LOL--Kimmie's nose wasn't bitten but I do think she might have gotten a bit of manure up it during one of those falls she took! And she learned the hard way to keep her mouth closed during those little mishaps as well!

Poor, poor Kimmie. Hope that you are all healed up and cleaned up by now.

That's just gross! Hope she bought a new toothbrush after that!

I'm still laughing my head off! Thanks Doc for the wonderful report, I'd love to have seen the show! It's been hilarious reading the posts leading up to the big event...so enjoyable. You all make my day!

A New Toothbrush!!!!!!!!!!!!!!whatever for I mean you have seen me smooching a llama and a horse a very special horse I admit,so why break the habit of a lifetime I am alive and healthy on all this muck lol>>>>>

Glad you gals enjoyed it I am thinking of entering the International Worm Charming Championships next what do ya think????You joining me Doc?

Hey Kimmie - no takers on that one then.

This time, if you have nobody to partner you for the worms, I'll do it [as long as it doesn't involve the kiss of life]

Where will the IWC Championships be held? What exactaly do you have to do? Linda...have you lost your mind?

Well they were being held here just a few miles down the road as we were leaving for Colorado maan I must tell you I was tempted to cancel the whole trip if it hadnt been for the goat who knows hey?????

BTW Newsong what makes you think lindad has mind left at all she has been living with me for 14 years lol rofl >>>well ya know i think I am funny!!!!!

I'm thinking that Linda HAS to be the sane one in the family...am I wrong?! lol

Now tell me...Worm Charming...what is it?! I'm almost afraid to ask!

Now obviously, worm charming (like snake charming) involves getting into the psyche of the worm, to cause it to do unusual things.....And yes, Kimmie, as usual I'm a step ahead of you! Already talking about this new phase in my life of learning, trying to figure out where I can find books on Worm Psychology, etc......But WHY does Chewie/Linda want to give a worm CPR? Is that what she said?

Dew Doc:

This new "sport" sounds rather like something that COULD follow goat dressing but my concern for the worm would be the paddles used in resuscitation, when they yell "clear" and zap the little fellow it could be more hazardous than living in a tequila bottle. What do you think? I could never even bait a hook to fish and used gummi worms which of course would be easier to "charm" after all they start out charming.

Katie

You two crack me up! I'm picturing Linda standing over the worm yelling "clear" while Doc and Kimmie are next to him chanting and humming.

Can you tell me more about "Chewie"?

ROFL!! EEeewwwwww..........We might have some cracklin' worms after a few Joules with a defibrillator! I'm thinking more along the lines of worm YOGA so the worm could somehow just "think its way to its happy place" or its "safe place" or something.....and then it would just want to dance! KWIM?

If there is any running involved, your dead in the water before you even start......Kimmie can't even run and stay up right carrying undies, what makes you think she can carry a defibrillator and run.........