Kimmie, I had kind of assumed you WOULD be peeing your pants at some point during the competition.....(That's payback for the teletubby body remark, Chickie! LOL!) And now read on for my training update.....

This Week's Update of "The Goat Whisperer Chronicles":

The Goat Whisperer continues to arise at dawn, trying to center both body and spirit in preparation for becoming one with the goat (or the goat's Fruit-of-the-Looms).....

Our "local goat" is supposed to be booked for Saturday. Will and I are going to attempt to perfect our technique by simulating rodeo conditions with a goat from the sister-in-law of one of my partners at work. (Heck, we're just attempting to DEVELOP a technique!)

Most importantly, I now have an official TRAINER. My friend KB and I have been working out early each morning, as many of you know, before heading on to our "day job." Well, one of the trainers at the gym has been watching us a bit anxiously. We had been calling him "Defibrillator Man" because I had told KB that it was his job to grab the defibrillator at the front desk to resuscitate her when she finally fulfilled her destiny by keeling over & falling off the elliptical trainer. Finally one morning, as KB was energetically sitting on a stool catching her breath after a full 5 minutes on the elliptical, "Defibrillator Man" walked by, patted her on the shoulder & said, "I just want you to know what an INSPIRATION you are to all of us!" Then he walked off laughing! Since then, we have been bonding. KB was sure "Defibrillator Man" was 102 years old & just making the rest of us look really bad for a long time, but it turns out it's not quite that bad.....just almost! Anyway, he has a very intensive training program coming up for us this next 3 weeks as I get ready for the goat dressing competition at the rodeo. "Defibrillator Man" is pretty excited about it, actually. Apparently he has never helped to train anybody for this particular event before--go figure!

More updates to follow, as the injuries accrue......

Good job on the training, there, DewDoc! That makes me curious about Miss Kimmie. Oh, Kimmie...are you listening? What are YOU doing to train for this important sporting event? Have you found a "mechanical goat" to practice on, or what? Inquiring minds want to know!

MCD take that back I was refering to myself as the teletubby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Searcher I am watching! very carefully and absorbing. I am also wondering if anyone will notice if i wear a diaper!!!!!!it could be less embarrassing dont ya think,and then I know if I really do well all my freinds and family will be soooooo upset cause they wont have had such a giggle as anticipated sooooo I am watching!!!!!

Kimmie, you are watching? Watching what? Little old me? No worries. I'm pure as the driven snow. (Yeah, as my friends have said, it is more like "pure as the snow that has been driven on".)

If you wear clown pants, no one will notice a diaper. But the big clown shoes might make you run a bit too slow.

Now, you still have not let us in our your training techniques. C'mon, what're you doing? Mechanical goat practice? Praying to the universal "goat god"? You can tell us...we're your gaychurch buddies. If you can't trust us, then....wait a minute. I'll take back that question.

For those who haven't received the latest update, our "local goat" has arrived & has already escaped the corral TWICE at the place where he's staying. AND the best part of all.....His name is YODA! How perfect is THAT? LOL! (P.S.: Candis, Kimmie is stressed from getting the last of her flights booked, so we should let her take some time off from whatever training regiment she is secretly in the midst of....and Kimmie, I am so relieved that I WAS NOT THE TELETUBBY! WHEW!)

yeah Missy but still didnt take back the peein in the pants thing >>>>

Now Yoda as true escappee should be able to give you good practise at this rate gals I wont have to anything except watch Deb has it all wrapped up >>>AND Searcher I am jsut watching thats all watching everything and everybody then I will be able to follow on from what I learn from watching!!!!!!!

Wouldn't it be cool if we actually WON a little trophy or something? Even if it was just for "Most Improved" or "Most Entertaining?" LOL!

As you can tell, I'm getting pumped now. Will & I have our appointment with "Yoda" tomorrow morning. My trainer has been getting me up to #17 setting on the elliptical trainer for short bursts now. He says this simulates "running in quicksand." I told him this morning that the only thing missing was for him to SUCK THE OXYGEN out of the air at the gym to simulate the Colorado altitude.....and then said, "Oh, wait. I guess you ARE doing that, aren't you?" He's worried that my heart rate isn't coming down as quickly as he would like after these bursts of quicksand running--but then again, he doesn't know how to correct for the "giggle factor" because every time I laugh, my heart rate goes back up again.....Oops! Am wearing my red boots on rounds at the hospital in the morning before heading out for "Yoda Country," too. Whoo hoo!!!! I figure we should practice in our boots & jeans since that's what we'll be wearing during the actual event......

(Deb dances maniacally into the sunset.....)

Deb You always dance maniacally everywhere so what new huh????

Well, I just got back from our "dry run practice" with Yoda the goat & I gotta tell you all.....It was NOT pretty! And ROSE, you alleged Goat Whisperer, you--When I tried your secret trick on that goat's tail, he took it VERY personally! I don't think that's going to work at all! Might have just as well been waving a red flag at a bull! Will swears that if I scream & retreat one more time, he's not even going out there--LOL! And he says I'm worrying way too much about hurting the goat's psyche, too. He says I don't have to ask, "Is it all right with you?" before attempting to dress the goat.... We did finally whittle our time down to 24 seconds (not counting the sprinting to the goat--oops....) Did anybody ever notice that goats have really strange eyes? (Deb shuffles away to try to wash the goat smell away AGAIN......)

LOL.....I am now wondering why I ever suggested the gay rodeo where you could participate and not just the Stampede where you would only be a spectator. I'm re-thnking giving you two shirts with out horsey business logo on the back. BUT one sure thing, I'm gonna get some good laughs.

you and everyone else it would seem>>>I know I am for sure !!!!!

3 more sleeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!|Giddyup

O.k., after this past weekend of "Goat Dressing with Yoda," I am officially FREAKING OUT!!!

It was bad enough that my best friend Will did not find it at all reassuring when I introduced myself to Yoda & asked if it was all right if we put these pants on him. According to Will, it should not be necessary to ask the goat's permission to perform any rodeo event. (Well, we know who got up on the wrong side of the bed THIS weekend, don't we?)

It was bad enough that he threatened, "If you scream and jump back one more time, I am not doing this!"

It was bad enough that when Mom called during the middle of our efforts and I had to stop to answer my cell phone, Will actually questioned her wisdom in giving birth to me.

It was bad enough when I realized that my personality is much more suitable for The Humane Society than the rodeo ring.

It was bad enough when I realized that Yoda is only a pigmy goat, not a real-sized goat. And he still turned us every way but loose!

But what has totally FREAKED ME OUT NOW is that some sadistic person sent me the official goat dressing rules and....if the goat's drawers fall below his/her tailbone at any point before we cross the finish line, we have to start over!!!!

WE ARE NEVER GOING TO LEAVE THE ARENA.

Trying to wash away the "goat smell", eh? Guess you could try what is supposed to work against skunk smell: take baths in tomato juice.

Did you take a picture with Yoda?

Didn't take a picture with Yoda, which is too bad because lots of people have been disappointed about that.....

LOL-- We've been getting lots of tips from folks.

One of my friends from high school/med school has a son who is an aspiring film producer. He would like to cast us in a movie! Title suggestions to date...."Killer Goat Whisperers from Outer Space," "Night of the Walking Goat Whisperers," "Zombie Goat Whisperers" or (if we're stuck in the arena past winter)....."In Search of the Ancient Goat Whisperers." (This friend has also offered to provide us with food & winter clothes if needed.) I did point out to this friend that our goal was not to kill the goat, although there is a small possibility the goat will die laughing....

KB has come up with a new mantra for us: "No matter what happens, I WILL HEAL." She has also suggested football pads or at least elbow & knee pads under our clothing. (Do you think that's legal?)

My friend BDJ from Mayo Clinic has offered to DRUG THE GOAT--but I'm pretty sure that isn't legal at all!

I have come up with the idea of visualizing my trainer's face on the goat. I think this might help me become more aggressive as I take out some hidden hostility! LOL!

Kimmie has her own game plan, something about hypnosis, hip flasks & "bob's your auntie" (which I assume is the Zimbo version of "there you have it"???)

Feel free to pass along any other suggestions or tips any of you might have. We can use all the help we can get!!!

Dew Doc: That last one really left me laughing. I'm sorry I won't get to see the action packed event but I want to suggest that you tell your "movie producer" that you might do a series of films in the interest of those who followed the Rocky movies. I didn't catch all of those but perhaps inspirational music while you attempt the physically impossible on the unwilling goat would build your confidence. I'm waiting for my front row seats at the film festival since I will miss the rodeo.

Katie

You know, Doc, your training session story got me to musing. And this little song came to mind, but with lyrics modified as follows:

(to the tune of 3 little lambs who've lost our way):

He is Yoda the goat,
and he has lost his drawers,
Baah, baah, baah!

Deb and Kimmie, his dressers,
they just fell out on the floor,
Baah, baah, baah!

Thats reallly good iwill sing that all the time I am attempting this feat !!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, Katie....I DO hum that Rocky theme song when I'm working out during my goat training. And unfortunately, searcher....Now I have no doubt that Kimmie will be humming YOUR little ditty while we're being chased around the rodeo ring by that rabid goat! LOL!

Thanks, Kimmie!

Doc, now you have decided this is a RABID goat? Heh heh. I'm picturing this in my mind...a goat foaming at the mouth while Kimmie sings to it and both of you chase it. This video could indeed turn into a feature length film.