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This message has been edited. Last edited by: P. Tony,

Toni, sorry things are so hard for you right now. I will keep you in my prayers. If you could tell us a little more about what is going on, perhaps we could offer some suggestions.
Ingrid

Praying for you, Toni. All you can be is who you are--but you can be the best you possible! Don't give up! And let us know what's going on, o.k.?

Dear Toni,

You have come to a very helpful place. If an online hug can reach, I'm sending one. Seriously, I can feel the frustration and anxiety in your words...and I know the feeling. Three years ago, I finally dared to post here, feeling at wit's end and certain that I'd never ever be able to reconcile my faith and my sexuality. I can't claim to have it all figured out yet....but I have (thanks to the grace of God) somehow managed to find some level of peace and still be a Christian.

You probably feel very isolated. But, please know that you are NOT alone, Toni. One of the most helpful things someone told me was to keep praying...praying with raw honesty to God...praying like you don't already know the answer. If you feel comfortable, let us know a little more about what's happening, what has made you come to this crisis point.

Dear Toni,
Your words touched my heart. I am in a situation where I have to be closeted within the church. I pray that you'll be able to reconcile who God created you to be with how to live as a Christian in the world. Know that you are not alone in this struggle.
Jenny

Praying for you!

Know you are loved and God will help you through this if you rely on him. I has to be INCREDIBLY hard to be a bible college if it is not accepting.

quote:

It is just really tough when you have no one you can talk to face to face.

I know EXACTLY what you mean! It does get tough when you feel you're alone. How much longer do you have at this school?

I know what it is like to be closeted and feel so isolated in the Christian community. My heart goes out to you and if you ever need to talk then just email me--my email is on my profile. God bless you!!

Toni;
I wish I could help you too and I'l pray for you.
It's hard when we can't come out. I can't out myself either but I take comfort in knowing that I have sisters and brothers here for the issues the straight church can't deal with.
Please continue to trust the Lord in all you do and always follow the leading of his spirit.
Even the Lord was ridiculed for eating and drinking with sinners and Paul wrote that we are as seen as those who walk after the flesh.
I would rather appear as the filth of the world and the offscouring of all things and be saved than to be holier-than-thou and lost.I would also rather stay in the closet and be saved than to risk doing something I'm not ready for and destroy myself.
Take your time, trust the Lord and don't give up. Think before you throw it all away or out yourself.
This has probably been of little help but the main thing is don't give up. You are loved here.

Tiffany

Toni, what about a Christian college that is more liberally minded? They may even transfer your credits?!

Prayin for ya.....

Dear Toni:
As our dear sisters said, I also understand your actual dilemma.

This Community is the perfect place to share your concerns and the deepest thoughts of your heart because we are a congregation plenty of very good christians.

Let's see... I find something important about your posts: You are bi and TG, right? And this what you really are, it is in some environment very peculiar: a) you are studying in a biblical college; and b) you are not agree with what you call "more liberal Christian doctrine".

Let me put that logically: If... you are not agree with "more liberal Christian doctrine", then... you are agree with the "more conservative Christian doctrine". Isn't it?

The "more conservative Christian doctrine" is not, precisely, the environment where christians like us (you and me) are quite welcomed, are we?

But that environment (which is external to you) could be not, "precisely", the real problem (but I guess it could help so much in getting it worse). So, if I can help, let me question to you: How much of the trouble is based in "other people's judgment", and how much is based in your own's judgement? Who are really condemning you?

If nobody saw your shaved legs, I don't think nobody could judge you for that. If nobody see you wearing what you like, nobody could condemn you for that, even. But, please clarify this for me: Has anybody judged you, ALREADY, ACTUALLY, REALLY, for something like that?

Please, notice that nobody in this Community has judged you and we have not any reason for that horrible thing; WE REALLY LOVE YOU! Our Lord has not judged you or condemn you, even, because there is not any biblical reason for that, or... do you think He has? What the "more conservative Christian doctrine" states about what you are sharing with us?

Please, understand that I always am in danger of beeing misunderstood, but what I want is to make you think deeply, in your heart, about all of this. Christ is Light, not darkness; is Righteous not vindictive, is Love not just a cold executioner.

I'll be waiting for your comments. In the meanwhile, you can count with my prayers, too.

Your brother in Christ,
Brakhus.

Ah, Brakhus, it's good to have you back! I've missed your posts! Toni, if you aren't sure what Brakhus is saying, feel free to question him more. He doesn't mind at all & he often poses really excellent questions (as in this case) to make us all pause & think more deeply.

Toni;

I'm sorry I missed your last post. I've been ill and gone. Since my health is going downhill I may not be posting much longer.
Enough about my problems but that's why I can't transition and know how you feel. The feelings just grow stronger each year and that doesn't help the rollercoaster of emotions being trans.
That is why I said that we have friends here that we can discuss things with the straight churches won't tolerate.
I realized I was TG at about 7 years of age. Each year gets worse for me but it's an area where we have to trust the Lord.He knows your heart hon and knows your pain and frustration.
It's a shame that many have forgotten that the word of God makes ALL guilty before God and not just the GLBT community.
The grace that covers my desire to wear dresses and long to have a baby and live full time is the same grace that covers the Pentecostal oneness doctrine, the Mennonite's doctrine of no music, and every other thing that goes against the word of God.
On top of that since I am MtF with a wife that makes me the dreaded trans-lesbian! Double-damned for being trans and lesbian! (so I'm told by those who don't show any love)
Just continue to trust the Lord in all things and follow the leading of his Spirit. There are so many beautiful things in being MtF that straight men will never experience. I count it a blessing.
I'l be praying for you as I know how you feel and we live in a world that straight and sometimes gay alike don't fully understand.
You have sisters and brothers here that love you and even any that don't fully understand will be here to give you a word of comfort and hope.
May God bless you.
Tiff

Toni;

I did want to add something after re-reading your post. It is in regards to wearing what you like.

Please bear in mind that the word of God says that in patience we possess our soul. Sometimes we have to patiently endure while we wait on the Lord. I am learning this while I feel the Lord will heal me and the doctors look for cancer and I lose all my energy.

If there is light at the end of the tunnel think about this. Once you graduate and start your life outside college you can transition and start fresh as a woman in another town or state and nobody will know your past. After all, the object with being TG is not to always identify with being trans but to identify with the sex you are.(not physically)

As for shaving your legs; men in sports do all of the time and nothing is said. Maybe you could make that apply. I know how you feel as one time my jeans ripped at work and I was paranoid! Nobody noticed though.

I wish you well and may God bless you.

Tiff