Got a stress case in your life? Of course you do: "Without question, many of us have mastered the neurotic art of spending much of our lives worrying about a variety of things all at once." Carlson's cheerful book aims to make us stop and smell--if not roses--whatever is sitting in front of our noses. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... offers 100 meditations designed to make you appreciate being alive, keep your emotions (especially anger and dissatisfaction) in proper perspective, and cherish other people as the unique miracles they are. It's an owner's manual of the heart, and if you follow the directions, you will be a happier, more harmonious person. Like Stairmasters, oat bran, and other things that are good for you, the meditations take discipline. Even so, some of the strategies are kind of fun: "Imagine the people in your life as tiny infants and as 100-year-old adults." The trouble is, once you start, it's hard to stop.
 

 

Amazon reader review: My bookshelf is full of self-help books, but when I lose perspective this is the book I reach for first. Unfortunately it is also the first book I lend out or give away, so I didn't really come here to write a review -- I'm buying another copy or two. This will probably be my 12th copy or so.

The principles are simple, but simple in a way that time and again makes me say, "Oh yeah!" because out of habit I have slipped into very complicated ways of thinking that leave me feeling trapped and depressed and resisting my feelings themselves. My favorite principle (and most easily remembered in time of need) is the principle of moods, which reminds me that fighting my feelings will never work. I find this principle very freeing.

 

 

Amazon reader review: Let me first express that I typically have great condescension for most "self-help"-type books. Most of them seem very intent on getting one to do yoga or meditation or breathing exercises....activities I'm just not naturally inclined to do. This book, in contrast, suggests improved perspectives and outlooks. So, it is "intellectual" in that way, rather than the typical "touchy-feely." It provides gentle, insightful wisdom into modifying the only things you can control: your own outlook, your own behavior. Quite frankly, I'm very impressed by this Richard Carlson. This book was exactly what I needed to help me through a very negative phase of my career as a government lawyer, with bizarre stressors coming from every direction, including judges, opposing attorneys, and peers. I can't say this book made me glad that I became a lawyer, but it helped quell the storm. This book is written so that virtually anyone can understand it, and yet it contains brilliant insights and what I would have to almost call "ultimate truths." Some of them are so obvious that it's disconcerting I couldn't identify them by myself; others are more transcendental, and Carlson very sagely unveils the phenomenon and associated principles.

I think anyone in a stressful work environment would benefit from reading this book. I read it very closely and highlighted about half the book. I know it will take some time for me to assimilate all of the suggestions, but this book planted the seeds and should surely help me cope better in the future with work-related difficulties.

You should be forewarned: you'll probably realize a lot of your stress is self-induced. I found myself cringing with the sudden realization of several self-destructive behaviors which I've had through the years. I think you need to be particularly open to effectuating personal change and breaking out of bad habits. For example, I never previously thought of myself as a "back-stabber"; instead I thought of myself as a rhetorically amusing and insightful critic and identifier of "office realities." Carlson really sensitized me as to the need to be circumspect about any kind of negative commentary about others, bearing in mind that whatever one says about someone or something is inevitably going to be spun by office gossips into the most negative light conceivable. That results in tension and resentment and stress. I now try to reserve my commentary (usually humorous anecdotes) about co-workers, etc. to acquaintances far outside my office. He also really brought home to me the principle of the destructive effect of complaining and griping about one's job; all that is accomplished is that one's negative view is reinforced, emphasized, perhaps even exaggerated by those other parts of your mind that hear you complaining. It becomes a vicious, snow-balling cycle of discontent. I suspect a lot of people intuitively think of it as "ventilating" one's frustrations and being helpful as such. I try now to not complain (in my case it was about boredom and the lack of professional growth). This has freed me up to seek out a remedies both inside and outside my employment scenario.

But, I cite the above only as examples. Carlson lays his recommendations out in 100 small chapters. I would say I learned something very useful from about 80 of them. I am very confident the long-term professional benefits will be significant. We're living in a very stressful time and a stressful culture. Focusing on the art of managing stress is almost mandatory if you want to thrive.

This little book packs a lot of love advice. "Whatever shape your relationship is in--from troubled to absolutely wonderful--it can be even better, with very little effort." In 100 essays, you learn simple strategies that "lighten your spirits, open your heart, enhance your life, and broaden your perspective." A tall order for a tiny book! (Actually, the book is only tiny because the print is small enough to make boomers and older readers wonder if they need stronger reading glasses--who made that silly decision?)

 

Many of the two- to three-page essay topics are familiar tips you've probably encountered before--let go of past history, be best friends, stop keeping score, be kind, express your love, be a good listener, and remember that your partner can't read your mind, for example. But even though they aren't earth-shaking or revolutionary, having 100 of them in one book makes it easy to read chapters with your partner and share views, discussing ways to put each strategy into action. And certainly if you use even a quarter of these relationship reminders, you and your partner can't help but become closer.